Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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