whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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