Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize