bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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