I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
