We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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