im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
