I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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