I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
