Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
