so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
