: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
