dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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