I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
