Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
