remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
