No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
