i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
