the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
