a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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