did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
