She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize