Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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