its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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