They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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