yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
