my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
