I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
