I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
