The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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