Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
