Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need a beard to bite.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
