Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
