some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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