He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm at about main and main street
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize