if you like me you must not know who I am
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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