All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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