Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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