It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
