I faked an abortion last night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
