i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
