addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
