btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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