peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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