dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
