My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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