i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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