whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
