Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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