So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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