I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
