i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
