With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
