Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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