He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
