thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
