Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
