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I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
