it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
