so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
