So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
