He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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