We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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