Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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