By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
