i don't like sucking hair
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize