Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
