i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
