Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize