Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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