Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
