i think my tv is drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
