??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
