Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
