Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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