i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
