im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
